Should I watch porn with my girlfriend or boyfriend?

One of my favorite questions to explore – should you or should you not watch porn with your significant other? Man, do I have a LOT to say about this topic. Let’s break this issue down step-by-step:

What is your motive?

Let this question sink in. Is there some underlying desire you don’t want to reveal?

Be honest with yourself is: Do you want your significant other to ACT like a porn star? While people can be sexually adventurous in different ways, it’s a dangerous thing to expect someone else to perform a sex act. Keep your expectations realistic and maintain a light and fun environment.

Make intimacy and quality time together your priorities. With that said, couples may benefit by incorporating some erotica in their lives. For example, if your significant other does NOT like to go down on you, they might be turned on to try new things. But I always advise that you are intimate enough with your S.O. to discuss sex issues before trying to channel your sexual desires through porn.

Popping the question

If you then decide that you still want to watch porn with your significant other, then make your intentions clear – yet elegant. Some examples:

  • “I’m curious if watching some erotic stuff with you will spice up our sex life. Do you want to try watching it together?”
  • “There’s some new things I want to try with you in bed…mind if we watch something to stir our imagination?”
    •  Notice how you frame this in the position of what you can do for your significant other, instead of trying to get something. And I hope that is the case.

What to Watch?

 Don’t freakin’ load up your favorite porn site and watch it on your laptop. Bad call. Not only does this make this couple’s experience less special, but your S.O. will think that you frequent porn sites frequently. Avoid the awkward trap of “pretending” to find a porn site to watch together. Renting a DVD (or VHS…old school) is always a much better choice. In fact, going to a sex shop with your S.O. will make the whole experience more involved and memorable (hey, maybe you can leave with a few toys too). You can also consider a more “instructional” type dvd that shows you a new technique or how to use a certain sex toy – this will change the focus from watching porn to an experience of learning together. Much better.

When renting a DVD, do rent one that’s more softcore in nature. You want a DVD to get you in the mood, not forget each other and start masturbating. Also, your S.O. will likely be turned off, and maybe even scared, if you rent something that’s too hardcore. These include porn movies that are violent, degrading, or are of an uncommon fetish. Stick with “classic” porn (older movies) or ones with a storyline, regardless of how cheesy it could be. The key takeaway? Involve your significant other in the process. Do it together. You can even discover what type of material interests your significant other if you choose a movie together (or choose one separately and see the difference in tastes). Move from “me” to “we” and everything else should follow through. You’ll thank me later.

Testing…1-2-3

See if you are able to turn off porn at any moment and proceed with sex. If you turn off the boob tube (heh) and find yourself unable to carry on the sex, that’s a BAD SIGN. Porn should get you in the mood and explore sexually, but not make love for you. In fact, you get extra brownie points if you’re able to go crazy with your significant other before you pop in the DVD.

Lastly…can you handle porn, or do you need to call it quits?

This loops back to the first point – do you know yourself well? Is it even slightly possible that you are addicted to porn? One sign to watch out for is increasing difficulty in reaching orgasm with your partner, but not when you’re masturbating to porn. If this describes you (and it does for millions of people) – then it’s not too late. If you want to know how to stop watching pornsign up for my newsletter to get “3 Tips to UN-PORN Your Mind” AND get 50% off my eGuide “How to Stop Watching Porn in 7 Steps.” These books have seriously helped people and is guaranteed to help you, or your money back in 30 days.

 

Free your mind,

Marc

Posted on November 28, 2011 in blog, Relationships

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